If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
