I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
