He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
