Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
