arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
