we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
