So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
