dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
