i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
