Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
