Porn is love you can see.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
