don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
