Swine flu is the new snow day.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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