If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
