Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
