Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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