Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
