So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
