sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize