I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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