I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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