i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
