the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize