$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
