yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize