Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
