her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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