You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
nutella sex= disaster
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
