Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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