Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
