Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
