dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
