i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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