i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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