Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sorry my hands just texted you
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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