Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
