Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
