Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
