it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize