I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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