i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He passed out mid-signature
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
