If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
