So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
