woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
