im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
