White coat. Heels.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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