so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
