first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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