Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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