This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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