: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
So. Much. Porn.
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