I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
