May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
