It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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