His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
