We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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