I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize