I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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