I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
