Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
