Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
