So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So much rum. So many feels.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
