Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
