So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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