I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
