its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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