Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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