See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
